Thursday, July 30, 2009

let me sleep on your couch.

wow, i sure have matured over the last two months since i updated this. i "stuck it to the man" and quit my job at abercrombie and fitch. i even made an ice cream cone for an old (whoops! elderly) person. but my war against capitalizing letters is still in full swing. take that, capital letters! rofl!



sometimes when i'm bored, i make up lies and tell them to strangers. for the most part, it's because i'm easily amused. also, i'm boring. you wanna hear what i did today? ok. i'll tell you.

1:09 p.m.: i woke up
1:10: i fell back asleep
1:30: i woke up again
1:53: i got out of bed
1:54: read an essay from "my custom van" by michael ian black
1:56: laughed at essay from said book
2:15: showered
2:30: got out of shower; stared at self in mirror and (this part is interesting) brushed my teeth
2:45: checked email, facebook, other regular sites
3:17: got dressed
3:24: combed hair
3:36: murdered a construction worker
3:47: lost shoe
3:52: found shoe
3:53: sped to work
4:02-10:07: worked
10:07-present: wrote this. yeah. it took me five and a half hours.

so that's probably the most interesting thing you've read in a while. go ahead and tell your friends all about my interesting blog. i sure will.

this really is the best thing i've ever done with my life.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

i am more interesting than even you.

so about ten minutes ago i was sent a link to another person's blog, and it was the most mundane thing i've ever read. i figured i am at least more interesting than that, why am i not doing this "blog" thing really?

anyway, here i am.

how about old people? aren't they just the worst? always walking slow, driving slow, asking me to repeat myself... what is their deal? and they have no style! come on, old people! those clothes were cool maybe when you were young (probably the 1800s, am i right! high five!), but now you look like your parents who are blind are dressing you. get yo'selfs to the gap! i know, right!

well, i've gotta pull a double shift at abercrombie and fitch. smell ya later!